Women are fine with nice guys. You’re not one of them, but if you were, I’d tell you that the problem with “nice” is that it isn’t really anything. A hot woman, which I assume is the kind you’re talking about in your letter, gets hit on by every guy she has or ever will meet. Is she supposed to sleep with every clumsy pussy vagrant, like yourself, who thinks to be polite while he forces small talk until he thinks of a way to ask for sex? That woman wouldn’t have time to take her AIDS medicine between trips to the delivery room.
Being wonderfully pleasant and agreeable isn’t sexy to hot women. That’s how waiters or doormen behave, and I’ve never seen a woman leave with one of those. But only an idiot would think the solution is to do the exact opposite and act like an asshole. If you meet a woman, act rude to her, and if she sleeps with you, expect an emotional breakdown several minutes later and 75 voicemails after you finally get the crazy bitch and her daddy issues out of your home. Lonely masturbation wins over that any day, even if someone catches you.
Try to ease off on the compliments and worship and work on being interesting enough that she could pick you out of a lineup later. If all you talk about is how attracted you are to her, you might as well take your wiener out and whimper.
There is not one way that gay people getting married would affect anyone. Maybe I’d feel differently if I was a seamstress and didn’t have a man-sized wedding dress pattern, but honestly gay people would have to marry gorillas with chainsaws in my backyard before any one thing in my life changed. And if I go to Denny’s, I don’t care if a lesbian cooked my omelette. The only thing I care about is that she’s washed her hand between the time she made my food and the time she had it elbow-deep in vagina. And now that I think about it more, no I don’t.
If someone calls you homophobic (and they’re wrong), just call them a dolphin molester. Because the fact that gay people make you uncomfortable is going to look pretty trivial next to someone who fucks hyper-intelligent fish. And five years later, when people are still gasping at their approach and hurredly pulling their dolphins away from them, they’ll know exactly the taste of the betrayal you feel.
Feeling claustrophobic like the walls are closing in. Blood stains on my hands and I don’t know where I’ve been. I’m in trouble for the things I haven’t got to yet. I’m sharpening the axe, and my palms are getting wet.
A while back, I made a post about Dick being constantly sought out by women in the ’90s Nightwing comic. Here’s Burt Ward Dick being literally attacked by women that want a piece of him. I swear to god, he emits a fucking pheromone or something.
Ozzie: full-time nerd and lover of ska. Around here you're likely to see Buffy, the DCAU, Marvel, MST3K, BioWare, references to unjustly canceled TV shows (cartoons especially) and pretty much whatever else I feel like posting. This is my personal blog, so you're just as likely to see personal posts as well.